Postpartum Truth

Thursday, June 7, 2018

After I had Charlee I never really wrote about my postpartum journey. I think your body goes this incredible change for nine months were every part of you is attached to this baby that you have growing inside of you. We as moms look at is as everything that we do is for this baby. Everything we eat they eat and so on. I did really realize that people can relate to my experiences and how I felt after those nine months. People should want to hear about this baby not me and how I am doing. 

When I had Charlee I lost myself. 

I had only one priority: keep her alive. 

I actually remember her doctor walking in to the room and congratulating me on keeping her alive for one whole month. I unintentionally neglected everything that made me happy and fulfilled, thinking I was doing the best for my daughter. I wanted to do it all "right" for her sake, to make sure that I was giving her every single thing that I thought she deserved from her mother and in doing that, I gradually left nothing for myself. Looking back, I was as happy and as grateful as I could have been and her newborn days are very precious to me but it took many, many months for me to reclaim myself as a person. 

I decided one day to only focus on what I think is best for my family and have tried my very hardest to shut out the pressure of what I think motherhood should look like. If carving out some alone time is what is best for me then that is what I need to do, even if that goes against what I once imagined motherhood to look like. I started working out and eating right. At first I got the mom guilty of that is one hour of her day that I am wasting and won't see her but then I realized that I am doing it to be a better mom to her. I quickly learn about GRACE and how to give it to myself. That was a hard lesson to learn but I am so glad that I am learning it more and more everyday. Being a mom is one of the most important things to me and it is something I will never take for granted. I am so lucky God chose me to be her mommy. 

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