Failed Cycle x 2

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

I don't even know where to begin with this post. I just knew that around Easter we would be announcing that Charlee was going to be a big sister. I didn't know that my world would be crashing down again not once but twice. 

Back in August I went to our RE to get reestablished for baby number two.  They did the huge panel of blood work and everything else that you need to do. I redid my HSG to make sure that my c section didn't cause any complications. Everything came back normal but one thing. I was currently CMV Positive. Everything was put on halt and I was refereed to a Maternal Medicine doctor. This was a biggy and I had already read all of the complications that could happen if we continued to try to get pregnant then. So we stopped and monitored everything for a few months. My numbers were getting higher and one weekend I had flu like symptoms then I went for repeat labs and my numbers started to drop. My active infection was finally going away and we were able to be released back to my RE after a few months of monitoring. That brings us to January. We decided we were gonna give it a go that month. I did the monitoring had 20ish beautiful possibilities.... That declined to one follicle at the end. I did the trigger and drove 2 hours to get the procedure done.  Then the two week wait. I remember being on the way to go get Charlee's second birthday cake and getting the call. It was like a dagger in the heart. I sucked it up and remember that we had one more vial ready to go for next month. 

That brings me to month two. That month I had 30 beautiful eggs and two that matured enough for me to do the trigger. The day that we did the trigger show it was suppose to snow the next day up near my clinic. But it never does so we decided that we would proceed and it would just be rain. Well by that afternoon the chance of snow had increase and they cancelled all procedures for the next day. Which meant 165 of trigger shot down the drain. I felt defeated and helpless. I wanted this so bad and I was hurt from the previous month. I got pregnant the first time with this RE on the first cycle so this was not expected. 

Now month three.... I started out with three beautiful eggs and three matured enough for me to do the trigger shot. Everything went perfect and now we wait..... I had a few symptoms like cramping until day 8. I was on progesterone two times a day and as you can guess nothing. 

I feel so broken and full of emotion. I cut out diary and gluten for three months which was so hard and nothing. My follicles increased every month but for what?? Nothing absolutely nothing.   I honestly don't know where we go from here. I wanted so bad to get that positive pregnancy test but here we are again. Infertility doesn't care who you are... I fought so hard to get Charlee and it feels like we are giving up way to soon but at what point do you say enough?!?  

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